Can You Find Happiness? (Continued)

Can You Find Happiness? is a reference to an exhibit featuring Bettina Rheims that I saw in Berlin a few years ago, but it's also an existential question that we all probably ask ourselves from time to time.

Rhems' work entails photographs of meticulously staged scenes that play with the cliché of seduction and the illusion of glamour.  The photographs are daring, without sentimentality or nostalgia, transcending prevailing ideals of beauty. At the same time they reveal a uniquely feminine gaze which – in its cool, reserved focus on surfaces – never exposes its subjects voyeuristically but always maintains respect for the women portrayed.

Germany was my first venture to Europe (prior to that I'd always traveled to exotic tropical locales or road-tripped through Canada and the U.S.).  I was profoundly affected by the particular ways in which art was revered by everyone in my social periphery, somehow different from North America.  That adventure spurned one of my most creative phases, and I finished The Pin-Up Poet shortly thereafter, collaborating with photographers and writing poems in the voices of various feminine archetypes.

These were the voices of women who drink too much vodka, smoke to calm their nerves and hide behind the armor of black clothing and lingerie.  The women in my poems are at once lustful and neurotic; they burn cookies and they can't sleep, reflecting on the ghosts of old lovers and a wealth of memories hidden under a veneer of glamour.  They spoke to me, and when I received my first shipment of books, I was ecstatic.   Something about seeing your work in print validates it.
 

Andrea Grant "Drowning in a Wedding Dress" photographed by Chas Ray Krider for The Pin-Up Poet

From that project I moved on to Minx, a graphic novel series that merges the classic superhero motif with traditional First Nations mythology, explored through both the conscious and subconscious mediums. Another kind of adventure.
 
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the artist's path, which is as painful as it is thrilling.  The ratio seems to polarize at approximately 60% pain, and 40% joy versus 60% joy and 40% pain depending on what day it is and how close one is to finishing a project.  But of course that does not dissuade any creative - we live for that particular torture!

"Staring at the World Through My Rear View" copyright Andrea Grant

I constantly evaluate where I am versus where I started, and my overall life/career goals.  In some ways my life looks the way I always visualized: living in New York City, incredible artist friends consisting of the greatest minds of my generation. A robust, ever-evolving career, and traveling as much as possible.

It's a beautiful life, even when I'm on a roller coaster of obstacles to overcome. 

But it doesn't always feel the way I imagined it would.  I'm pleased that my work has resulted in something tangible (i.e. books), but I am constantly striving for the next, contented with moments of success for no more than a couple of days before I am jonesing for another accomplishment.

All of my creative friends feel this way. Maybe that's the whole point, and the key is to look back on how far we've come.  

I started out as a teenager inspired by grunge culture and art, and had the wherewithal to start a print 'zine back in 2001. I was ahead of the curve without anticipating the full impact of the digital age, and thrilled when it started to unfold like a dream.  Later, when I began to work in the publishing field, I was grateful that I chose that trajectory, possessing the language to describe my vision to others so that we could make something amazing things happen.

When I started publishing Minx, I had a very specific idea of where it was going to end up.  I had very ambitious (and probably unrealistic goals) for the creator of an indie comic.  Instead of being a mainstream heavy-hitter, it's ended up having a significant cult following and is well-loved by readers.  I suppose in my heart that's what I really wanted.  

There's been enough of a buzz that I've repeatedly been in Hollywood boardrooms with major producers. But female protagonists don't sell as well as male heroes, and I'm not willing to change the gender of the main character or remove the Native mythology.

Minx: The Dream Warriors preview art by Chris Royal

This project merges aspects of traditional storytelling with the realities of our contemporary world, unlocking the power of ancient tribal myths and re-contextualizing them into an accessible modern literary format.  Maybe it was never meant to hit the mainstream, and that's fine because it's a passion for me, and it does well enough to be respectable.

A preview featuring art by Chris Royal will be out late Spring 2013, and the next book will be out by Fall 2013.

For some reason writing this book has been torturing me - perhaps it's the 'sophomore album' syndrome of trying to measure up to your debut.

Also, I want to experiment with the way it's written and designed, so that it's a mixture of prose and art.
 
The style is different from Minx: Dream War because  I think it's important to evolve and collaborate with different artists to keep the work fresh and moving forward...

This is what happiness is, perhaps.  After all, the only constant is change. 

  

How to Replenish Your Creativity

I read an article in a magazine a few years ago that said the body is like a battery, and that your life force will burn out if not replenished.  That analogy struck me hard. The author cited cases of superstar athletes who seemed to be in perfect health, but then suddenly dropped dead and no one understood why.

So if you ever feel weary and don’t feel like doing anything, it’s just your body telling you to take a break to regenerate. It's better to take a brief pause with a view of getting more accomplished in the long term rather than trying to push forward and losing your motivation from being burnt out.  You are not a machine, so listen to yourself.

Photo by Eugenio Recuenco

Here are some tips for recharging:

Get enough rest. Lack of sleep weakens the immune system and run you down, and sleep is the most effective way to revive.  Try a decadent nap in the afternoon, or let yourself have an extra 15 minutes in the morning before work. Every bit counts.

Find a calm environment. Get away from din of your everyday life by taking a break from office noise, loud music, and bright computer screens.  Go analog and read a book. 

Photo by Miles Aldridge

Eliminate stressful situations. Wind up as much of your responsibilities as possible before you take time off, and turn off your phone for a while - it's all right to unplug and not respond to every text or email.

  

Exercise.  A workout is great for de-stressing and focusing your mind. It reduces fatigue and elevates your energy in the long term. And that doesn't have to mean going to the gym - it can be something as simple as a long, lovely walk or doing some Pilates at home. 

Don’t feel guilty about taking breaks. Those who struggle on through their burnout end up being less efficient, which is the opposite of what you can produce when recharged. Don’t let that internal desire to get things done guilt you into working all the time!  You'll produce amazing work if you give yourself a bit of a break.

 

In the Mood for Love & the Beauty of Asian Cinema

I have long been a great lover of Asian cinema.  The Last Emperor was one of the first films I ever took note of as a kid, and Margeurite Duras' The Lover is one of my all-time favorite books-turned-movie.

And one of the most aesthetically gorgeous films I've ever seen in a while is In the Mood for Love, an award-winning Hong Kong film from the year 2000, starring Maggie Cheung and Tony Leung.

The film takes place in HK circa 1962. Chow Mo-wan (Tony Leung), a journalist, rents a room in an apartment of a building on the same day as Su Li-zhen (Maggie Cheung), a secretary from a shipping company.

Each has a spouse who works and often leaves them alone on overtime shifts. Chow and Su often find themselves alone in their rooms, their intersecting in everyday situations.  A recurring motif in this film is the loneliness of eating alone, and the film documents the leads' chance encounters, each making their individual trek to the street noodle stall, down dimly lit stairs.

Chow and Su each have suspicions about their own spouse's fidelity, and come to the conclusion that their spouses have been seeing each other. Su wonders aloud how their spouses' affair might have begun, and together, Su and Chow re-enact what they imagine might have happened, albeit rather innocently.  One interesting aspect about Asian cinema is the overwhelming restraint and self-discipline of many of the characters.

Director  Wong Kar-wai states he was very influenced by Hitchcock's Vertigo while making this film, and compares Tony Leung's film character to James Stewart's:

"The role of Tony in the film reminds me of Jimmy Stewart's in Vertigo. There is a dark side to this character. I think it's very interesting that most of the audience prefers to think that this is a very innocent relationship. These are the good guys, because their spouses are the first ones to be unfaithful and they refuse to be. Nobody sees any darkness in these characters – and yet they are meeting in secret to act out fictitious scenarios of confronting their spouses and of having an affair. I think this happens because the face of Tony Leung is so sympathetic. Just imagine if it was John Malkovich playing this role. You would think, 'This guy is really weird.' It's the same in Vertigo. Everybody thinks James Stewart is a nice guy, so nobody thinks that his character is actually very sick."

Watch it - it's extraordinary! 

Native American Classics

In 2011, while I was finishing up the script for Minx: Dream War (and having the artists simultaneously illustrating), I was asked to adapt a Native story from the 1800s for an anthology called Native American Classics, which has just been released.

All of the writers and artists involved in this project are Native.

My story is called "The Hunter & Medicine Legend" and I wrote it during a winter trip to Mexico (some of my best writing is done in warm climates).

It's the first time I've ever adapted someone else's story, and there was an interesting tension in trying to stay true to a voice from from another era while also trying to modernize it.

That, and having the animals speak in their own individual voices that differed from the human characters, such as:

EAGLE:  "My wings are never furled; Night and day, for hundreds of years, the dews of heaven have collected upon my back, as I sat in my nest above the clouds."

Zang Toi Fall 2013: Russian-Inspired Opulance

Zang Toi's Fall 2013 collection was inspired by a recent trip to St. Petersburg, Russia...And a chance encounter with the 'Peterhof Palace', known as Russia’s Versailles.

This translated into jewel-toned gowns, capes, and layers of fur.  As always, the tailoring in the garments is impeccable; the way the fabrics flow as the models calmly sashay down the runway is a testament to the perfection of every detail. 

When I think of Russian glamor, the image of Julie Christie's crimson gown with the black beaded accents in the early scenes of Doctor Zhivago comes to mind.

Based on the Nobel Prize-winning novel by Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago covers the years prior to, during, and after the Russian Revolution, as seen through the eyes of poet/physician Yuri Zhivago (played by Omar Sharif).

In the tradition of Russian novels, a multitude of characters and subplots intertwine.

There is one especially striking scene in the film.  With the sound of wolves howling in the nearby forest, Yuri begins writing the "Lara" poems, which will later make him famous, but also incur government displeasure (these love poems were recently translated).  

So back to Zang Toi.

Dramatic, form-fitting suits in black and camel with fur-lined jackets thrown over the ensembles.

Black mohair thigh-highs that added a sexy extra layer of warmth, paired with the highest of stiletto heels.

Zang's models always have the perfect hair to accompany his creations (i.e. dramatic ballerina bun, circa 2011). This time he chose soft, frizzy curls piled in massive, asymmetrical shapes atop the models' heads.    

One of the most interesting things about Zang Toi is his talent for adding a layer of storytelling to his couture - much like an epic Russian novel.

From season to season, we see his characters continue to evolve.  Much of this is due to the fact that there are repeat performances by his favorite models on the runways from season to season, and so the audience recognizes them.

These glamorous characters seem to tell the story of how the Zang Toi muse might go about her adventures from day into night, as coats and pantsuits suddenly shift into an array of opulent gowns in sapphire blue, emerald green, and black with gold brocade detailing.

This is why this is the one fashion show I will never miss: I want to see what will happen next.

"Think-Speak" and Orwell's Dystopian Dictionary

I remain endlessly fascinated by George Orwell's 1984.  The idea of how bleak society could become in the future, with a separate dictionary of terms that describe the goings-on.

In my own interior monologue, I refer to creating content as "Think-Speak", which has always been a bit of an homage to Orwell. To me, it means coming up with the right way of conveying ideas to various audiences and conjuring up some kind of emotion so that words, images, etc make an impact.

THINKSPEAK = The result is to have groups align on thought

I've also been advised to create a "Bible" for Minx, so that as it extends into different creative mediums beyond graphic novel, there is a reference point for collaborators.  And I will say that THEY Corporation (only alluded to in Dream War by way of logo on jet plane, will have a greater role in Book 2) is Orwell-inspired.

And, the simplification of some Orwellian terms, using them in conversations with friends, taking it all back to 1984:

NEWSPEAK = Not needing to think when you speak

DOUBLE THINK = Accepting  two mutual beliefs

Photograph by Jeanloup Sieff

In 1984, a man named Winston Smith wrestles with oppression in Oceania, a place where the Party scrutinizes human actions with ever-watchful Big Brother. Defying a ban on individuality, Winston dares to express his thoughts in a diary and pursues a relationship with the rebellious Julia.

These criminal deeds bring Winston into the eye of the opposition, who then must reform the nonconformist. George Orwell's 1984 introduced the watchwords for life without freedom: BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING YOU.

The setting of 1984 is a dystopia: an imagined world that is far worse than our own, as opposed to a utopia, which is an ideal place or state. Other dystopian novels include Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, and Orwell's own Animal Farm.

When George Orwell wrote 1984, the year that gives the book its title was still almost 40 years in the future. Some of the things Orwell imagined that would come to pass were the telescreen, a TV that observes those who are watching it, and a world consisting of three megastates rather than hundreds of countries. In the novel, the country of Eastasia apparently consists of China and its satellite nations; Eurasia is the Soviet Union; and Oceania comprises the United States, the United Kingdom, and their allies. 

Another of Orwell's creations for 1984 is Newspeak, a form of English that the book's totalitarian government utilizes to discourage free thinking. Orwell believed that, without a word or words to express an idea, the idea itself was impossible to conceive and retain. Thus Newspeak has eliminated the word "bad," replacing it with the less-harsh "ungood." The author's point was that government can control us through the words.

Eva Herzigova, Photographed by Helmut Newton

SOME OF THE BEST NEWSPEAK WORDS:

Blackwhite is defined as follows:

“

...this word has two mutually contradictory meanings. Applied to an opponent, it means the habit of impudently claiming that black is white, in contradiction of the plain facts. Applied to a Party member, it means a loyal willingness to say that black is white when Party discipline demands this. But it means also the ability to believe that black is white, and more, to know that black is white, and to forget that one has ever believed the contrary. This demands a continuous alteration of the past, made possible by the system of thought which really embraces all the rest, and which is known in Newspeak as doublethink.

Ownlife refers to the tendency to enjoy being solitary or individualistic, which is considered subversive. Winston Smith comments that even to go for a walk by oneself can be regarded as suspicious.

doublethink - Reality Control. The power to hold two completely contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accept both of them. An excellent example of doublethink in modern society is the war on drugs. If you ask people their opinion on alcohol prohibition in the 1920s, most people would agree that it was a complete failure. People agree that it only caused more crime, it made gangsters rich, it corrupted politicians, and most importantly ... it didn't keep people from drinking.

crimethink - To even consider any thought not in line with the principles of Ingsoc. Doubting any of the principles of Ingsoc. All crimes begin with a thought. So, if you control thought, you can control crime. "Thoughtcrime is death. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, Thoughtcrime is death.... The essential crime that contains all others in itself."

An unperson is a person who has been "vaporized"; who has not only been killed by the state, but effectively erased from existence. Such a person would be written out of existing books, photographs, and articles so that no trace of their existence could be found in the historical record. The idea is that such a person would, according to the principles of doublethink, be forgotten completely (for it would be impossible to provide evidence of their existence), even by close friends and family members. Mentioning his or her name, or even speaking of their past existence, is thoughtcrime; the concept that the person may have existed at one time and has disappeared cannot be expressed in Newspeak. Compare to the Stalinist practice of erasing people from photographs after their execution.

facecrime - Orwell's definition : "It was terribly dangerous to let your thoughts wander when you were in any public place or within range of a telescreen. The smallest thing could give you away. A nervous tic, an unconscious look of anxiety, a habit of muttering to yourself -- anything that carried with it the suggestion of abnormality, of having something to hide. In any case, to wear an improper expression on your face (to look incredulous when a victory was announced, for example) was itself a punishable offence. There was even a word for it in Newspeak: facecrime, it was called."

Aesthetic: Basquiat's Art and Marilyn Monroe's Fashion Evolution

Every now and then, I like to focus on inspirations.

I cannot for the life of me sleep through the night...It's always 5 hours here, 4 hours there, and then a couple hours of being wide-awake-but-too-exhausted-to-not-go-back-to-sleep.  In the summer, I curtail this insomnia by going for a run by the East River, but it's winter-dark and freezing, and I see no reason to go outside.

So I write, if I feel inspired to chip away on my novel, or read aesthetic books that are somehow inspirational, such as Marilyn Monroe in Fashion.

Excerpt from Marilyn Monroe in Fashion

Or I watch documentaries.  I saw a really great one over the weekend:  Jean-Michel Basquiat: The Radiant Child. It came out in 2010 and you can view it on Netflix.

In the film, we see Basquiat encountering art dealers, collectors, club kids, critics and hangers-on. He turns up in Page Six items and keeps huge stacks of cash lying around his Crosby Street loft because he didn’t have a bank account. He’d paint barefoot in Armani suits and go out clubbing in the same paint-splattered clothes.

By the late 80’s, heroin choked his paintings. The words “man dies” are written repeatedly, next to the words “from narcotics” in Eroica II, in 1988. Several interviews suggest that Basquiat’s intense grieving after the death of his close friend, Andy Warhol, led to his decline into drugs and obsession with death. He stopped painting and distanced himself from his friends. Basquiat spent the last New Year’s Eve of his life –- 1987 -– drinking alone at a bar.

One of my favorite Basquiat quotes is:  "Believe it or not, I can actually draw."

As the documentary synopsis states:

Centered on a rare interview that director and friend Tamra Davis shot with Basquiat over twenty years ago, this definitive documentary chronicles the meteoric rise and fall of the young artist. 

 In the crime-ridden NYC of the 1970s, he covers the city with the graffiti tag SAMO. In 1981 he puts paint on canvas for the first time, and by 1983 he is an artist with “rock star status.” He achieves critical and commercial success, though he is constantly confronted by racism from his peers. 

In 1985, he and Andy Warhol become close friends and painting collaborators, but they part ways and Warhol dies suddenly in 1987. Basquiat’s heroin addiction worsens, and he dies of an overdose in 1988 at the age of 27. 

The artist was 25 years old at the height of his career, and today his canvases sell for more than a million dollars. 

With compassion and psychological insight, Tamra Davis details the mysteries that surround this charismatic young man, an artist of enormous talent whose fortunes mirrored the rollercoaster quality of the downtown scene he seemed to embody.

Featuring interviews with Julian Schnabel, Larry Gagosian, Bruno Bischofberger, Tony Shafrazi, Fab 5 Freddy, Jeffrey Deitch, Glenn O'Brien, Maripol, Kai Eric, Nicholas Taylor, Fred Hoffmann, Michael Holman, Diego Cortez, Annina Nosei, Suzanne Mallouk, Rene Ricard, Kenny Scharf, among many others.

An old-school New York friend of mine once told me: "I knew Basquiat back in the day. He used to come by this restaurant I managed, Bar Lui. He would just stand around and stare at people."

I think the most interesting thing I took away from from film was when his former girlfriend said, "He was always working.  Even if people were visiting, he never stopped painting."

That's how it's done...Discipline is paramount.

City Living, and What We Carry Around . . .

Photo by Attic Studios

When I'm working on writing projects, I always like to have a computer nearby, so I often carry my 11" Mac Air with me just in case I have a few stolen moments while waiting for something to begin.

But I also don't want to risk losing it when traveling from place to place during a long night out with friends, so a pad of post-it notes stuck in my purse is always my writing back-up plan.

Ever since Hurricane Sandy, which forced some of my friends to evacuate their homes, and for several more of us to quickly pack up our most vital possessions and flee somewhere because we couldn't live for a week with out electricity, I've been thinking a lot lately about the weight of what we carry around.

And a phrase that resonates in my head: "Let go of the things that no longer serve you." 

So many women walk the New York streets with heavy bags filled with anything they might ever need in an emergency.  This is part of our non-car culture. Because we can't carry a change of clothes and all amenities in the trunk of a vehicle, we carry it on our shoulders.  And it often feels like a burden.   

Mini 5 Zip Clutch by Rebecca Minkoff

I'm as guilty of carrying too much stuff around as anyone - the 3 lb computer, pens and a notepad, a wallet that's as heavy as a purse, filled with American and Canadian identification, contact lenses, lipstick, business cards, perfume, and everything else I might need if I had to evacuate my apartment for a week and stay in a hotel. However, the fully-stocked bag weighs 10 pounds and kills my back since I walk for hours every day through these mean streets.

So last week I decided to simplify and let a lot of that weight go.  I can fit all of the essentials into a tiny purse, and carry the mini-computer in my arms if I feel like writing somewhere other than my apartment.

Even though it can be a challenge not to over-pack the purse (and accidentally destroy the zippers), I feel greatly relieved by lessening the physical burden of things that aren't necessities.

This is What Burnout Looks Like...

With a decent chunk of time off between Christmas and New Year's, I decided to visit Canada.

Coming home always relaxes me.  I like to hear the cacophony of an accent I abandoned long ago, and the extreme levels of politeness.

As a creative, I have a high need for solitude, and it was dreamy to spend Christmas alone in a gorgeous house by myself (I am not sentimental about the holidays).

Perhaps because I work so hard in New York, I sleep ridiculously long hours in Canada, probably in some kind of attempt to recover from burnout.

And I read a lot.

Sure, I know I should be disciplined about writing my next MINX book, but I also know that I'll put myself on a stringent production schedule in 2013.

That said, I received exciting news that a Native American short story from the 1800s I adapted is coming out soon as part of an anthology: "The Hunter & Medicine Legend" http://www.facebook.com/NativeAmericanClassics

MUSIC INSPIRATION OF THE MOMENT: "Total Dust" by Dusted.  Worth a listen.  http://www.thelineofbestfit.com/reviews/albums/dusted-total-dust-101762

Hotel Discipline

You Do Not Have To Love Me

-By Leonard Cohen

You do not have to love me
just because
you are all the women
I have ever wanted
I was born to follow you
every night
while I am still
the many men who love you

I meet you at a table
I take your fist between my hands
in a solemn taxi
I wake up alone
my hand on your absence
in Hotel Discipline

I wrote all these songs for you
I burned red and black candles
shaped like a man and a woman
I married the smoke
of two pyramids of sandalwood
I prayed for you
I prayed that you would love me
and that you would not love me

After writing / producing Minx: Dream War, I was admittedly burnt out.

One of my friends who used to work in the music business advised me to take a "life experience gap" (a term used for the time artists take off between the first successful album in order to replenish and write the next one).

So I did...and I had a great summer-into-fall-into-winter. 
But it's time to write the next graphic novel.

Inspiration comes in many forms: Travel, walking through assorted city streets, taking photos. The din of night, the clatter of early morning sunrise.  And today it hit me (in San Francisco) as to how delinquent I've been with creative writing lately. It's not that I don't have anything to say, but rather; I just feel very quiet about revealing it.

Any writing teacher I've had has said "It's a discipline - write every day!"

And I do, but sometimes it's via what seems like hundreds of carefully constructed emails?  Does that count as prose?