BURNOUT

In 2011, I witnessed several of my close friends and acquaintances burn themselves out, as though a collective of the best and brightest were consumed with a perilous fever.

And, in turn, I watched myself burn out while working on Minx, in the nether region between Summer and Fall 2011 (typical to form, I observed this exhaustion happen with the detached interest of someone reading a book, and tried to dismiss it).

Recently, I traveled to Mexico on a family holiday, where my mother regarded my fatigue from the perspective of one who doesn't want to witness the travails of her offspring.  She said, "You look...different, dear."

"I'm so exhausted I think my bones are about to protrude through my skin because I can't carry anything more upon my shoulders in this lifetime," I replied.  "I don't really have time to sleep more than 5 hours a night, and my deadlines never end."

Photo by Miles Aldridg

 I expected her to understand, but she regarded me as though I was a changeling in some Celtic fairy tale, rather than a child she'd borne.  "Rest, then...and swim tomorrow.  You've always brightened in the sun.  It will be 80 degrees this week."

It's true that warm temperatures always make the world a bit more beautiful.  Poolside, I began to reflect on burnout...and also felt re-motivated to adhere to my deadlines.

SIGNS OF BURNOUT

- Hollowed circles under the eyes that no amount of concealer can erase.
- Tense posture, particularly in the shoulders.
- A low tolerance of overly shrill tones: sirens, women with panicked voices speaking loudly in public places, and terrible music when you go out that makes you hate the venue.
- Random acts of vomiting, when nerves hit you hardest.
- Weeping, unexpectedly...especially if a stranger walks up to you and says something so depressing it makes your skin turn inside out.
- Uttering fatalistic, absolute statements about your burnout that include adverbs such as 'always' and 'never'.
- The sudden adoption of bad habits: smoking, excessive drinking (like, 3 shots in addition to your already-strong martini).
- Thoughts of jumping off the nearest bridge.
- Laying in bed for hours with no motivation to shower or dress (forgivable on a Sunday, but if this feeling lasting longer than 24 hours, beware).
- Feeling convinced that it will rain/be freezing cold as long as you will live, and dreading it.

So what is the cure for burn out?

Supposedly, some B Vitamins will help the cause, and a little bit of sun if you can manage to travel somewhere warm in winter.

Recovering the brain and moving forward is always a work in progress...Happy 2012, darlings.